Photo courtesy of Robert Lautman, Entry Hall of Monticello.
Many hold the erroneous impression that etiquette and manners are laborious and impractical in a modern world. In fact, it is nonessential to be informed of proper protocol; etiquette, and thusly manners, requires only a single effort upon which all else follows: an awareness of one’s environment and his or her place within it. If one dissects each encounter of indecorousness, its provenance is assuredly anchored to an individual bereft of self-awareness. Technology has metastasized obliviousness, yet Luddite I am not. I live by one elementary edict: never allow a device to supplant humanity.
Dear Mses. and Messrs.,
I do not wish to cause you alarm yet I must address a matter which deserves your consideration posthaste. I am writing to you today on behalf of formality. The ceremony of written discourse has suffered a notable decline with the advent of digital correspondence. The rapidity of our age dictates communication be relegated to 140 character tweets and abbreviated text speak; nevertheless, superficial acts of brevity have not supplanted loquaciousness. In erstwhile days, a gentleman would compose a business query, quill to parchment, with the utmost respect and regard for its intended recipient. Whereas the cogitation behind our professional discourse remains intact, our courtesy for the reader has been compromised.
Admittedly, I have allowed my digital communication skills to falter. Of late, I have endeavored to infuse my emails with even the most elementary civilities. No longer are notes expeditiously sent lacking a proper salutation. Statements are complete thoughts and stream-of-consciousness typing has been abated. The incremental time commitment has been inconsequential.
After all, our civilization has been chronicled through the letters passing from one distinguished personage to another. What will we leave behind?
Your most obedient servant,
The Modern Traditionalist
Whilst business took me away from home for over a week, BTG received an invitation to an informal gathering on a Saturday evening. With his accustomed diversion 2,000 miles away, he reckoned an evening out would be the appropriate elixir for his loneliness. He had, after all, been briefed on the guest list as his journey would prove the most extensive and positively nettlesome when you factor in the driving skills of the locals. Many familiar names were disclosed; one, however, was conspicuous for its absence.
Upon his arrival, he delighted in the conviviality until he was met with the subject whose name had been concealed. The events of that evening were undeniably sullied because of this individual’s presence, not for BTG alone, but rather for all others in attendance. In fact, had he known of the individual’s participation, he would have politely declined the invitation.
It is natural for one to desire camaraderie amongst their varying coteries; however, one must acknowledge when oil and water refuse to commingle.
“When making up a guest list, a hostess or host must try to invite and put together those who are likely to be interesting to each other...Making a dinner list is a little like making a gift list. You put down what they will like (you hope), not what you like. People who are placed between congenial neighbors remember your dinner as delightful, but those who are not will need wild horses to drag them your way again.”
Emily Post’s Etiquette, 16th Edition
After a short holiday hiatus, Modern Manners Monday returns. I am revisiting George Washington’s Rules of Civility as it provides ample material. Today’s topic is near and dear to my heart as BTG will attest.
Rule 52
“In your Apparel be Modest and endeavor to accommodate Nature, rather than to procure Admiration. Keep to the Fashion of your equals Such as are Civil and orderly with respect to Times and Places.”
One should always dress in a manner appropriate to the situation and environment. Cleavage is not acceptable in the workplace unless you spend your working hours wrapped around a metal pole. I would also add that as a parent, one should consider the impression they make upon their kin. If you deem it tolerable for yourself, you are declaring it passable for your children as well.
As for the photo above, to quote BTG: “There is no place where that would be appropriate, not even the bedroom.”
Back when our founding fathers were still young lads, the desire for literature on manners and etiquette experienced a surge. The aristocratic protocol of the courts in England and Europe influenced the land owning class in colonial America. In fact, a young George Washington recorded lessons in civility which have now found their way into a book titled “Mind Your Manners! George Washington’s Rules of Civility”.
The book was compiled and annotated by James Henry II, the descendant of a Scotsman who served on the Continental Congress and who once loaned money to George Washington to finance the Revolutionary War. There are 110 rules contained within; each entry includes a modern interpretation by Mr. Henry.
What better subject to share in my inaugural Modern Manners Monday than the first President of the United States? We will begin with one that is quite dear to me:
Rule 18
“Read no Letters, Books, or Papers in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave...”
We exist in a world of modern conveniences and in many ways we are better for it. Cell phones, BlackBerrys, iPods and Kindles abound. Something happened, however, on this bullet train of technology. Immediacy has usurped civility. I suggest we take a cue from President Washington:
When in the presence company, keep all distracting devices at bay. Only under circumstances of extreme urgency, excuse yourself for any third party communications. In no time you will realize how inconvenient it is to continually take leave of your party for trifling matters.
